If Education Has To Happen?

(Directly based on a short story called ‘Yuddham avasanikkanamenkil?’ or ‘If war has to end’ by Vaikkom Muhammad Basheer. I have changed ‘If war has to end’ to ‘If education has to happen’ and made some trivial changes to get this story in this format. The original story is in Malayalam and it is translated into English by my son Srikant and is available here)

"If education has to happen!" - with his teeth clenched, the left corner of his lips twisted and giving out a "shh" sound, happily scratching his eczema, lying spread out on a deck chair, the deep-thinker, the mighty man, the one with the terrible rage, the outstanding author, answered the young journalist's question with his own:

"You mean, what should I do to make education happen?"

"You don't have to do anything," explained the journalist, "What we would like to know is your opinion about all of this. What should people do to make education happen once and for all?"

"Nothing! It's enough if you go away from here: fool!"

"You must say something. The world is suffering very much. Terrible destruction is occurring in the world. All of this must stop. Calm and peace must rule in the world now. Your valuable advice in this regard is asked for. If education has to happen?"

"You dimwit, you idiot, did the non-education happen after consulting me? Non-education has been existing since time immemorial; when this one here is over, a different one will immediately start! If only two people were left in the world, they would not educate each other. If after that just one is left, then there would be a fight between his right and left hand. Finally he will also die- and then peace! Now get lost!"

"Aiyo, that isn't enough! Education should happen! If education has to happen?"

"Go and ask the other idiotic thinkers; don’t trouble me!

“We already asked them”, said the journalist sheepishly, “Don’t we all know of your rage? It’s only that you were the last in line. Of course we know that your opinion is more important than the opinions of the others.”

“Well, what did the others say; if education has to happen ... ?”

“The world should accept Krishnamurti, the world should accept Waldorf, the world should listen to the tune of Rabindranath, the world should follow Gandhiji, the world should follow Sri Aurobindo, the world should believe in Montessori, the world should follow Ramakrishna… and so on and so forth.”

“Is that it!”, that one with the terrible rage asked while scratching his eczema furiously, “Didn’t the other set say anything?”

“They did. If education has to happen, the world should accept communism; so said one person. Others said, anarchism should be accepted. Another thinker said that fascism should come. Yet another person said that the principle of non-violence should be accepted. And what do you say- if education has to happen?”

“You must agree that I am the greatest prophet of this age!”

“I agree. And what about the rest of the world.. ?”

“The rest also you will have to convince of this. Let it be printed in your newspaper! Declare that you are my first follower!”

“But, have you seen a vision? Some kind of enlightenment?”

“Yes, halfwit!”, and saying this he turned his eyes away with a twisted smile, and accompanied by “krrkrr” sounds, continued scratching at his eczema with great pleasure.

Looking at him in such a position, it seemed to the journalist that he had forgotten about the world. The journalist moved slightly. That one with the terrible rage turned and said:

“What, buffoon, haven’t you gone yet?”

“No. You still haven’t shared that message. If education has to happen?”

“You probably are aware of the secret, that one should teach one’s wife and children. Listen here, I haven’t taught my wife or children in more than one and a half years. I forget… this amnesia!”

“What! You mean that forgetfulness has been troubling you for the past one and a half years?”

“Blockhead! No, joy! Joy!”

“I don’t understand!”

“Look here, in these past one and a half years, have I thrashed any journalists, critics or publishers to a pulp?”

“No!”

“In the last one and a half years, have I written and published a new book?”

“No!”

“In the last one and a half years, have any police cases been registered in my name?”

“I haven’t heard!”

“Why? Blockhead, why?”

“I do not know.”

“Why don’t you find out? Am I not “news” for you?”

“You are. That was a mistake on the part of my newspaper. You must forgive us for that. If education has to happen?”

“Oh go and pray!”

“Aiyo, people have been praying for many years now. It has been totally useless. You must tell us your wisdom, if education has to happen?”

“Has eyes, but doesn’t see. Has ears, but doesn’t hear… blockhead. The biggest possible blockhead! Get lost!”

“Aiyo, that’s not enough! You must give us that teaching! If education has to happen?”

“Whom does it harm if this education doesn’t happen? Is your paper being circulated less?”

“No.”

“Are my books being circulated less?”

“No.”

“Then, you go now!”

“Aiyo, you must teach something. All the peace and tranquility of this great world is forever anchored in you. If education has to happen?”

“If education has to happen!” That one with the terrible rage, with a “krrkrr” scratching and scraping and clawing his eczema with immense pleasure, then proclaimed:

“All the national leaders, all the ministers, all the thinkers, all policemen, magistrates, judges, lawyers, editors, teachers- every single person on this earth- should get as itchy, biting and wonderful an eczema as mine!”